I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
