His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
