I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
