Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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