I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
