dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
