And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
