Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
