Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
