Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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