Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
