LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
