Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
