i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
