We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
