he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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