I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
