We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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