May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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