he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
