I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
