It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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