My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
two words: eviction party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
