I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
