LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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