my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
