just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize