I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
