i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
