they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
