Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
