I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
