I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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