Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
