Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
