I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
