We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
