All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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