so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
