my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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