I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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