i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Randomize
