booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
