Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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