I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
