is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Umm I'm too high to move.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
