I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
