Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
