What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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