my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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