You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
