She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
