nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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