Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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