my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am spending my child support on dildos
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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