I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
