you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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