i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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