I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
