Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
