i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
