you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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