mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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