He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
