You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
