A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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