I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
