i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
