I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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