Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize