rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
