dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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