Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
