i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize