I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dear god my vagina.
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