just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
