Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
