So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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