it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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