And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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