i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
