I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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