I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
