just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
