she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
